INCHING TOWARDS 80

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Help! Aging Parents continues now– as we age and inch

Expediency and other factors make it necessary to add “Inching”  posts to my Help! Aging Parents blog–at least for the time being.  The best information and advice initially published for adult children of aging parents in Help! Aging Parents, is now repurposed for those of us now Inching towards 80.
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Aging Smart

After a decade of writing Help! Aging Parents, I realize that I and my readers–every day–are inching towards 80. Indeed, from the day we are born we inch towards 80, don’t we?

That said, didn’t the “inching” seem so much slower when we were young…. (remember how long it seemed from one birthday to the next)? And as we’ve aged haven’t all–or at least most– of us found birthdays come faster and faster. Of course, they don’t.  But….

Although I’m not yet 80, I think we all want to give ourselves the best chance to age with as few 80-ish problems and as much luck as possible. So it makes sense to be informed.

To that end, Inching Towards 80 commits itself. Preventing the preventable and controlling what we can seems smart and worth the effort. Because the Sr. advisors to Help! Aging Parents  shared so much about aging smart, Inching Towards 80 honors them–and motivates me–to combine their wisdom with reputable research, augmented by my counseling background.

Still not completely back~however…

 

While “must-do” and “don’t know how to do” have prevented my planned return via “INCHING TOWARDS EIGHTY,” I return here to wish all who are continuing to follow, a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPYand hopefully much more stable and peaceful—2019.

Simplifying Helps People Age Better

As we inch towards 80–a new normal for me is attempted, taken from the late Sr. Advisor R’s “SIMPLIFY, SIMPLIFY, SIMPLIFY.”  Admittedly I don’t get an A+. That said, after trauma, overload etc. it makes sense to be conscious of ratcheting down…simplifying.

When on overload, it’s difficult. It involves decisions: what must be done and how to do it efficiently. Reconnecting at holiday time this year— after a 2-year absence since my husband died—topped my to-do list.

I was going away. Armed with address list, boxes of cards and stamps, in addition to the normal necessities, I headed to the DC area. Perhaps the break, getting out of the routine, contributed to clearer thinking. In any event, I take out the address lists, look at the quantity of people, and think “options:”

1. Computer-generated letter: print, fold, sign, address envelope, lick stamp…perhaps more personal and informative than a card, but as time-consuming.

2.  Emailed cards: Subscribers (I’m one at Jacquie Lawson) have loads of choices and the attractive holiday note cards allow for short or long personal messages. Some people prefer a card that can be held and displayed (I’m usually one). But the red and gold e-note-card prevailed. My unexpected reward came via the reply card that accompanies the e-card. I received many notes back—heartwarming and interesting, especially for someone who has been “out of the loop” and that includes so many older people.

Whether snail mail or email connecting at holidays enriches life. Doesn’t that help all ages feel good? And shouldn’t that help parents and us age better–if not–well.

Note: This blog still takes no ads. The link to JL is to get an idea of e-card offerings.

COMING BACK

My husband’s unexpected death in 2016 triggered much thinking and a resolve to move slowly –focusing thought and effort on avoiding making mistakes. With one brother living on the other side of the country and no children, I realized I was accountable to no one but myself and better carefully put my life back together, but in a different-in-someways way.

Indeed, then, life ahead was like a blank canvas that of course would–in time–fill. That said, I wanted to fill it as carefully as possible. Taking a long pause from HELP PARENTS AGE WELL felt like a lessening of responsibility. It felt right. More time to think carefully and make necessary adjustments… however long that would take.

Unexpectedly Dad’s words, at the time of Mom’s death, came back–something like “one of you (my husband or me) will survive the other. I’m fortunate to have you, your husband, and your brother; but you have no children.

Fortunately that wasn’t a problem. In fact I was happy that I wouldn’t be cast as a seemingly bad person rejecting well meaning, but unwanted, advice from family. And it was easy to let good friends know their friendship was invaluable and I’d ask when I needed something… assuming that was OK.

While I’m no longer the child of aging parents I am inching towards 80. I realize wisdom from my senior advisors, shared through this blog, is coming in handy… surprisingly often.

So I’m beginning a next-step blog for us: INCHING TOWARDS 80. I’m behind on new technology necessities, so please bear with me. The prototype is published and I believe you can see it by switching to it from this site–HELP PARENTS AGE WELL —I think/hope. Please let me know. IT SEEMS IT ISN’T switching. Hope to succeed this weekend when I have my computer. Currently my smaller “devices” are what I’m using.

Aging Parents-Adult Caring Children: Emotional Aspects of Relocating Aging Parents

The Best Article on Relocating Aging Parents I’ve seen

While it has been a year and 5 months since my husband died and I’m doing well, I’m still getting my current life in order. Specifically I haven’t yet had time to begin my “Inching Towards 80” blog and much of my spare time is devoted to reorganizing–everything. In doing so, I came across a saved AARP article on relocating aging parents that is, I think, so excellent that I’m coming back to my blog so I can share the link. Nuff said. If I have time I’ll add the link under “Related” to my previous posts on aging parents and moving. But for now click:  http://www.aarp.org/relationships/family/info-09-2009/goyer_the_big_move.html .

Aging Parents: Hanging on Too Long, Not Knowing When to Quit

“I’m A Star, I Can’t Quit”

…a memorable saying that Senior Advisor R used often enough that it regularly pops into my head–even though R has been gone almost two years. It captures the nuances of someone in–possibly/probably–denial about lessening abilities and talents, often age-related,  We’ve no doubt all known someone who fits this description–possibly an older parent or someone we work with.

With this thought and a desire to carry on my life in spite of the changes since my husband’s death last June, I realize it’s time for me to quit–at least for now– this labor of love. Help! Aging Parents’s first post appeared in September 2009. 735 published posts and many thousands of views later, we’ve been happy to be able to provide the best information and creative ideas for helping parents age well that we could put together for our followers and unknown viewers.

It’s possible that I will return with a new blog at some point. Before my husband’s death was ever contemplated, I registered a domain name, Inching Towards 80, thinking it could supply helpful information that many of my viewers could use for themselves.

We all, of course, have been inching towards 80 since we were born. And as life expectancy expands, many more of us continue to have relatively healthy and fulfilling lives–albeit different from our younger years–into our 80’s and beyond. And with cars that will drive themselves in the not-to-distant future, so many possibilities lie ahead for enriching lives of older and old people and for making it easier to avail themselves of medical care without the dependency that now exists. I leave you with these thoughts and say–

Goodbye–at least for now.

Aging Parents: The Pet-Human Bond Through Illness and the End of Life

“What will become of my pets if I get sick too sick to care for them?
What will happen to my pets when I pass?”…

…Sent from Dianne McGill, who founded Pet Peace of Mind in 2009.

It appeals to the animal-lover in me and the fact that I can make a little difference. I asked Dianne if she would share from her experiences and her program. The result: Dianne’s contribution written for my readers.

“What will become of my pets if I get sick too sick to care for them? What will happen to my pets when I pass?”

These questions are on the lips -and in the hearts- of many people facing debilitating illness or end of life issues. For those who share profound bonds with their pets, the connection is akin to that of a family member. It is no wonder that during the end-of-life journey, pets can play a critical role.

For these pet families, the human-pet bond takes on deeper meaning and value. Pets may serve as their sole source of companionship and provide a sense of responsibility and purpose outside of self. For many patients, they view maintaining a strong relationship with their pets as a reason to get up every day. When friends stop visiting because they don’t know what to say or how to act with someone who is terminally ill, pets often provide a significant source of unconditional love and acceptance about what’s happening in the patient’s life. Very few people can imagine what the end of life journey feels like yet time after time, we observe pets providing a sense of normalcy and stability in patients’ lives.

I know of countless patients who have said that their pet is their lifeline. The bond they share helps cope with the anxiety which comes from dealing with a serious medical condition. For many patients, keeping their pets near them during the end of life journey and ensuring the pet will have a loving home after they pass is one of the most important pieces of unfinished business.

In reality, most patients will need help with pet care issues at some point during their illness. Some patients are fortunate to have a broad support network and receive all the assistance they need from family or close friends. Unfortunately, as loved ones deal with the grief and loss surrounding the patient’s illness, treasured pets may be overlooked or treated as an afterthought by those who are unfamiliar with the patient’s bond with a pet. Pet Peace of Mind provides the solution to this challenging situation by helping local nonprofit hospice and palliative care organizations meet the needs of their patients with pets.

Pet Peace of Mind educates hospice and palliative care organizations about the importance of pets in the lives of their patients and helps them support those pets in practical ways. Our program provides a turnkey approach to help them establish a local program to train volunteers to help patients with their pet care needs and to find new forever homes after the patient passes on. We help them deliver help to patients when and where it is needed, provide funding to launch the program, and provide ongoing support so they are never going it alone.

This video link’s title, Maxwell Finds a Home, shows the program in action. Watch this video to learn more about our work. To learn more about how you can receive help or help a patient in need visit petpeaceofmind.org