Elderly love–Desire too


What is it that’s so endearing about seeing an old couple holding hands, walking arm in arm, smiling at each other in that certain way?

Is it what each one of us hopes for when we hit the old age mark?

I remember my birthday party some years ago. It was a small dinner party with close family and friends–a mix of ages from my infant niece to three elders–late 80’s-mid-90’s.

We sat around a large table in a hotel’s small private dining room. When the meal was winding down, I asked a question of the older guests. It was something like: “What would you tell us younger people that we should know, but might not be aware of?”

The oldest guest, my friend’s mother in her 90’s (the lady I took to lunch at a bar for her 100th birthday) shared: “I may be old, but Inside I feel like I did when I was an 18-year-old (pause) with all the same desires too.”

It’s so easy to forget that inside an old body can be a young-feeling heart.

With wishes that we can help aging parents and the elders we care about
find that young spot in their hearts this Valentine’s Day.
From Help! Aging Parents

Aging Parents: 8 Valentine’s Day Gifts for Patients in Nursing Homes~ with Feb. 2013 & 2016 updates

 8 Gift Suggestions:

Valentine's Day Special1. Thanks to far-away-living daughter, Monique, who thought of this and sent it to her elderly mother in France. After purchasing a heart-shaped box at a Dollar Store, she wrote the following note and placed it in the box.

“I’ve taken all the love out of my heart
and placed it in this box. Any time you need a little,
open the box and let some out.”

While these boxes are small and attractive, it’s the content that’s priceless and personal– a connection from the heart, for any nursing home patient (or any elder actually) who has decent vision and can read. Monique added a few Hershey kisses in the box. oxallis

2. Plants–Especially for those who enjoyed gardening, plants give older people something to take care of and focus on outside themselves. I particularly like oxalis regnellii because they flower continually, are forgiving if not well cared for and do well in indirect light.

Succulents of any variety that don’t have “prickers,”–eg. sedum–are also easy care, Red Kalanchoe-Green containerneed little water, some are very attractive. They like (but can exist without) good light and flower–if you’re lucky–once a year. This is a red kalanchoe.

Violets are more fussy but should be no problem for those who gardened in the past. They flower over a rather long period of time and need light (but not direct sunlight)–and light fertilizing to flower again after their initial blooming period.  They don’t want water on their leaves, and should be regularly turned to keep their nice shape.

Begonia varieties are numerous, colorful, most require minimal care, grow well indoors,
and will flower in indirect light. (They are usually shade plants outdoors.)IMG_2206

Philodendrons come in all sizes, are difficult to kill, can be grown in soil or water, have no flowers, and do fine in low light. They also help purify the air, and their heart-shaped leaves make them perfect for Valentine’s Day.

3. Favorite music seems–remarkably– to stimulate memory in some dementia patients. CD’s or tapes (a collection of favorite TV shows and/or movies) are options if the technology to use them is available.  Don’t we all love watching (or listening to) our favorite oldies–movies and/or music–again and again!

4.  Salon certificates: Most nursing facilities have in-house salons for hair and nails, but they require an additional charge. What about giving gift certificates for the salon? Look good, feel better!

5.  Room decorations: make an institutional setting feel more personal and uplifting. Ideas: Framed pictures of grandchildren, the family, or grandchildren’s drawings.

6.  Photo albums, home movies: Sharing family stories with others (visitors, other patients or staff) is a popular pastime. Photo albums, videos and movies add to the interest and fun. The necessary technology to play them is usually available on most floors.

7.  Magazine subscriptions: The recreation director at an Elder-Care center in New Hampshire says “travel magazines are extremely popular around here.” Our elders are  in the best position to know whether travel, People, Fly Fishing, or National Geographic is the best fit for then.

8. Sr. Advisor R’s favorite gift while in rehab was a smalls, light-weight blanket. Would a red one be perfect for Valentine’s Day?

When uncertain about gifts, check with the activities or social services directors at the nursing home.

As has been said many times, visits from family are the best gift (especially when they bring home-baked or home-cooked food). That said, often the most special visitors are the babies and tots. They bring joy, old people can oooh and aahh over them, and grand–or great-grand–parents can take pride in showing them off.

When we make Valentine’s Day special for those in care facilities, we lift spirits. And doesn’t that contribute to helping parents age well?

Check out “Newsworthy” (right sidebar). Links to timely tips, information and research from top universities and respected professionals–to help parents age well.

The Best Valentine’s Day Gift

I appreciate YOU! xxooWant to know one of the best possible Valentine’s Day gifts you can give an aging parent–especially one who is lacking confidence, feeling beaten down, or is having a hard time? A sincere compliment…spoken–or why not written on a Valentine?

Older people and the elderly, in the three groups just mentioned, get relatively few compliments when compared with younger people.  And isn’t making people feel good what Valentine’s Day is all about?

Remember the Valentines with our names on them that were pulled out of the red decorated box in our grade/elementary school classrooms on February 14th? Of course the most popular kids got the most Valentines, but–possibly owing to a sensitive teacher–everyone in the class got at least one pretty Valentine with a nice message.

I remember my 80-something-year-old grandmother would tell us–sometimes several times–about compliments she had received.  And why not?  It made her feel good, did something for her self-esteem and we kids would usually chime in in a way that confirmed the compliment and made her feel even better.

Yesterday a lovely and sensitive friend, Carol, who I’ve known since college, sent me a note. In it she enclosed a note that my husband’s mother (senior advisor, R) had recently written her from the rehab facility, thanking Carol for her Christmas card and wishes for a speedy recovery from her broken hip (described in my January posts).

I phoned R, to read her Carol’s note and the complimentary and fitting adjectives she used when writing about R. While R is truly an amazing woman (all my contemporaries say she’s a role model), who gets many compliments at 97, I knew she was pleased when I read Carol’s note over the phone.  And then she said, “And Carol sent me a Valentine….” and I could hear how unexpected and pleased it made her feel.

Almost all the really old (90+) people I sent Valentine’s to over the past decade have died–the last one being Alberta, the wife of the WWII veteran (mentioned in my June posts about veteran’s benefits), who died in her sleep last week.  Edie–at 100–remains and I will e-mail her Valentine to her daughter’s e-mail (she now lives with her daughter)  in Tennessee.

Sincere, not contrived, compliments make us all feel good.  But the unexpected ones written on a Valentine must make aging parents and the elderly feel especially good. Another brighten-the-spirits idea– as we strive to help parents age well.

Check out “Newsworthy” (right sidebar). Links to timely information and research from top universities and respected professionals, plus practical information–to help parents age well.